Newtown CT

It might be strange, but I have not been able to stop crying since the first moment that I heard about the shooting.  That is before there was any inkling of casualties, just that there was an elementary school shooting.  Seriously, I have been crying, sobbing... off and on all this time.  I am traumatized by what has happened.  I wanted to rush to school to get Ethan out of school early, it took everything I had not to go get him.

I can not get the images out of my mind. This crazed lunatic going into a room, the same age as my son's classroom and literally shooting them all multiple times.  11 rounds in one small child? It is inconceivable to me.  It breaks my heart.

I was at McDonalds with the kids and I counted about 20 kids playing at the playplace.  It was so full of life and laughter and smiles... and then I thought about this horrible man who actually could walk into a room like that and kill everyone.

I don't know what to do.  I don't know if I should tell Ethan about what happened.  He is my 1st grader.  I don't want him to find out from someone else.  My daughter, who is 4, knows about it because she was with me when I was watching the news and she saw me crying.  I explained to her a little bit about the bad man doing a bad thing and she made her sad face, she asked if it was Ethan's school and she was very relieved when it wasn't.  I just don't know what to tell Ethan, I don't want him to be scared to go to school, but honestly, I am scared for him to go to school.  I feel better that I am not working anymore and that I am not ever going to be far away from his school, I can take comfort in that, just a little though. 

You always have to worry about a copycat, there was a guy who wanted to shoot up a Twilight premier, luckily he was stopped, so I am sure there will be a lunatic that will see how much attention this is getting and want that all to himself.  Why is it men/boys who always seem to do this stuff?

I don't know what they are going to do differently at Ethan's school.  They already have a buzzer system. Although all you have to do is ring the buzzer and they let you in, they never ask who or what you want.  I am sure that will change. I think they said there might be more of a police presence for a while.  That makes me feel better.  I would rather a cop at every school all day every day than on the side of the road on some useless detail, sleeping...