Batman Massacre

I wasn't expecting to hear about such a horrible event when I got into my car to go to work this morning. I always listen to talk radio and when I got in the car I kept hearing the tail end of what happened.  I pulled over to check on my phone what was in the news.

I guess the thing that really upset me was that I got to a point where I was pretty close to being agoraphobic when I got back from Iraq.  I would have panic attacks in crowds, I would be scared of all the people in crowds.  I would have to plan my grocery shopping to be when the store was virtually empty. I went to the VA and talked to someone for quite a long time about my fears about something bad happening in a large crowd.  I think most of that fear stemmed from having to read intel reports in Iraq 24 hours a day and to know what people were actually capable of. It took years to get over the panic and the fear of large crowds and the most progress has been in the last 10 months for me.  I was able to stop taking my medication and I was feeling pretty good... until today... everything came rushing back.  It must be how an alcoholic feels drinking the first drink, everything came back and I was right back to where I was a few years ago.  I was on high alert when I was working in my stores.  I was told in therapy that the odds of such things happening are so small. The thing is they happen! and they happen more than anyone would like.  Since I got home, the was Arizona, Virginia Tech, Ft Bragg, something at a mall in Canada I think... so the thing is is that it is happening.  It is something that I can not control which in turn makes me feel out of control.

Other people's "Status"

I have to be honest, I am getting to the point where Facebook is just pissing me off.  I can be in a good mood, and then check what's going on on Facebook, and someone's status inevitably pisses me off.  I am so sick of reading of people complaining that they don't have X yet they can go out and buy Y... makes no sense to me...if you are going to publicly complain about being hot, for example, then save your money to buy an air conditioner...don't waste your money on something you don't need....

If you complain that no-one visits you, it;s probably because you are documenting your life in status updates and no-one wants to be a part of it.

Unless you were in an accident, you shouldn't really complain about the pain that you are in from elective surgery.  Cosmetic surgery does not garner sympathy from me, unless it is reconstructive...

I find it odd that you are still with a man who beat you many many years ago, or that you cheated on, or that you didn't really know for sure that the baby was his...but somehow you will still act like everything is wine and roses. How do you push yourself so far in denial?

I thought about deleting my account, I had read something that really annoyed me, but now I have a lot of family members on Facebook, especially my dad and he only know how to use facebook... literally the only thing.

I guess for the time being, I will just have to hide the most annoying offenders from showing up in my newsfeed, becuase deleting certain people will cause a rift of some kind too." Why did you delete me?" "Well, your constant status updates pissed me off and were quite shallow on your part and I couldn't take it anymore..."  That might not go ovr so well...

Plastic surgery

I don't understand the obsession with plastic surgery.  I think it looks unnatural and just phony.  I don't understand how you can raise a child to have a healthy amount of self confidence when you are their mother and you are changing your body.

Let me start by saying there is plenty about myself that I would love to change.  One that I will say is my nose.  I have always hated my nose.  I always longed for a little button nose that turns up just a teeny bit at the tip.  I was blessed with a beach ball like nose.  There is no actual tip to my nose, because it is a round ball.  The thing is, my daughter has my nose now too, she's 4.  Why would I ever change my nose and leave her to have a beach ball nose?  It's just wrong.

Breast implants are another thing that kills me.If you suffer from low self esteem, no amount of silicone is going to fix that. You will just change your self loathing to another part of your body.  Do you really think those boobs look remotely natural or real? Because they don't.  Now I am just talking about elective surgery, not reconstructive surgery.  They are two different animals.  I just don't understand why someone would want to put a foreign object in their body.  You know your body is made up to reject foreign objects? Like a foreign bag o' silicone... hello, have you know heard the nightmares of silicone leaking? Weren't they outlawed for years?  I don't know I don't keep up on implant headlines... but I think they were.   Those implants don't last forever either... you have to replace them... kind of like changing the oil in your car, I guess they should come with a service plan. 10 years or 100,000 miles?? Who knows.

I just wish people would learn how to accept themselves and the way that they are instead of thinking everything can be fixed the easy way.