This is harder than I thought

I guess I never really gave it any thought, but dealing with death when you don't believe in religion is hard.  There is nothing that I can take comfort in. I don't believe that I'll see her again, I don't think she is with other people that have died... as comforting as all of that is.... I can't believe it. I wish that I could, oh boy, do I wish that I could believe all of that. It makes it all a little easier, it gives you an escape.  All I can do is think about my mother and everything that her existance has created. All of the life that she brought into the world.

I feel bad for not understanding her better.  I now realize what affect that growing up in Nazi Germany had on her, and it took me this long to realize it.  

I'm scared

She's not eating or drinking.... sleeping all the time......  she's dying.  She's going to die soon....

I try to say goodbye and I choke

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

my world crumbles when you are not near...

That song was playing on the radio 14 years ago when we were driving to the hospital to find out that they were taking Matt off of life support.