Why pray?

Here is the one thing that I just don't understand... if people believe that god is all powerful and makes things happen and can fix things... why do they pray to the same being that caused the illness that they are praying for a cure for? So if your child has come down with an illness... god caused that illness, so why pray to him to cure the illness that he caused? If you believe in god so strongly, why not just continue to pray rather than take you child to the Dr.  The answer is because science and medicine are what cures, not praying. I understand what it feels like to feel helpless and want to feel like you are actively doing something in order to help... praying lets you feel like you are actively doing something.  When my mother was gravely ill and in the hospital I felt completely helpless, I wished that there was something that I could do for her.  She was in the ICU getting the best care that she could get... that is what I had to take comfort in.  I was raised Catholic and it was a cognizant effort on my part to realize that praying wasn't the answer. I just thought about my mother and the memories that I have of her, I thought of the care that she was getting in the hospital and took comfort in those things.

I need a change

I need a complete life overhaul.  I am so unhappy with the way that my life turned out.  I want more, I feel like I deserve more than this.  I know that change needs to come from within, so I need to look inward to find what I need.  I need some sort of enlightenment.  I need to find my zen place, I am going to try to start looking for different activities that can help me with that.  I am going to try to start going to the Buddhist temple and hope to start meditating.

Newtown CT

It might be strange, but I have not been able to stop crying since the first moment that I heard about the shooting.  That is before there was any inkling of casualties, just that there was an elementary school shooting.  Seriously, I have been crying, sobbing... off and on all this time.  I am traumatized by what has happened.  I wanted to rush to school to get Ethan out of school early, it took everything I had not to go get him.

I can not get the images out of my mind. This crazed lunatic going into a room, the same age as my son's classroom and literally shooting them all multiple times.  11 rounds in one small child? It is inconceivable to me.  It breaks my heart.

I was at McDonalds with the kids and I counted about 20 kids playing at the playplace.  It was so full of life and laughter and smiles... and then I thought about this horrible man who actually could walk into a room like that and kill everyone.

I don't know what to do.  I don't know if I should tell Ethan about what happened.  He is my 1st grader.  I don't want him to find out from someone else.  My daughter, who is 4, knows about it because she was with me when I was watching the news and she saw me crying.  I explained to her a little bit about the bad man doing a bad thing and she made her sad face, she asked if it was Ethan's school and she was very relieved when it wasn't.  I just don't know what to tell Ethan, I don't want him to be scared to go to school, but honestly, I am scared for him to go to school.  I feel better that I am not working anymore and that I am not ever going to be far away from his school, I can take comfort in that, just a little though. 

You always have to worry about a copycat, there was a guy who wanted to shoot up a Twilight premier, luckily he was stopped, so I am sure there will be a lunatic that will see how much attention this is getting and want that all to himself.  Why is it men/boys who always seem to do this stuff?

I don't know what they are going to do differently at Ethan's school.  They already have a buzzer system. Although all you have to do is ring the buzzer and they let you in, they never ask who or what you want.  I am sure that will change. I think they said there might be more of a police presence for a while.  That makes me feel better.  I would rather a cop at every school all day every day than on the side of the road on some useless detail, sleeping...